Mamas instinct

I wanted to take a moment to do a little bit on mamas {and papas} instincts.

 

I have eight children, each and every one of them have a different personality.  Their strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, hobbies and so on.  As a parent we have a job, a responsibility to our children.  That is that they come first, plain and simple, in my book.  I will forever do for them, what is in their best interest, no matter what it may mean for me. No matter how one may view me, I do what I do for one reason, them. {more like eight reasons for me 😉 } I will always trust my mama instinct over what others tell me.

 

What the heck are you talking about lady?

{I’m sure is what you all are wondering}

 

Right out of high school I worked as a para educator with Special needs children. I took child development courses in college and have always had a soft spot in my heart for them. To me it’s no surprise that God has blessed me with the strength and privilege to raise them.

When my first born was just 16 months old I knew something was off. That he needed to be assessed for speech.  He had a lot of jarbling and loss of words. To even get him looked at was hard because I didn’t have a lot of peer support. I was the mom “looking for problems”. After his assessment, it was determined that he was in need for speech services. Taking it further, I had only worked with children on the Autism spectrum, but never had personal connections with them. But something was telling me, keep digging. Don’t ignore those signs, those instincts that there may be more going on. So I didn’t, I was his advocate. I did not settle for “lets wait and see”, I did not accept “he’s just a boy, being a boy”.   Now when I say I didn’t have support I don’t mean all around, I did have a few people who have stood by from the get go. But many who did not. Many who went out of their way to give me unsolicited advice. I would listen, say thank you. But I listened to my instinct more. And thank God I did, because our Ayden may not even be verbal right now had I not been his number one advocate.

 

 

Fast forward six years, we welcomed our fifth baby boy!

 

It was dejavu. A repeat of what I went through with Ayden, our first. Loss of words, quirks, the whole bit. This time though I had personal experience with a child on the spectrum. Mama instinct took over and I was on it, speech therapy started at the age of 18 months and he got the official diagnosis at about age 24 months. Then rolled in all of the unsolicited opinions, advice and those that know my child better than I. { we all have had encountered these folks in one fashion or another } I took it and said thank you and moved on. He is now five and doing fantastic, still receiving speech therapy and working on behavioral.

 

 

Fast forward to today…

I woke up at 6:20 a.m, got myself and my seventh son ready to go. Grabbed a coffee and bagel then we drove an hour to the assessment clinic. The drive there I had all of the unsolicited advice running through my mind. Causing me to question myself. As we pulled into the parking lot and I said a prayer, asking for guidance and strength to handle whatever happens once we went in there. After a three hour long assessment and questions being asked, we were ready to be out of the 10 x 10 grey room with a two way observation window. { for me it felt very much like an interrogation room.  That I've seen on t.v. of course }    After about fifteen minutes after it was completed,  in walked our doctor who talked over what we did and asked for my last opinion and concerns.  Then she gave him the official diagnosis. "Your son is on the Autism spectrum, rated moderate".  Now in my heart I saw it coming, but hearing it really made it reality. This changes nothing about him, or how I view him. But it opens doors for him to get the supports he may need.

 

A few things I want you to take from this, whether you are experiencing this first hand, observing or just reading.  If you are observing or just reading, remember that this is a huge life change for someone. This is rocking their world on so many levels, emotionally, financially, their family dynamic and so much more. Please refrain from discouraging words such as “you’re just seeing things”, “he’ll grow out of it” and whatever other, unhelpful, things you can think of. We don’t want to hear it! Seriously. No one goes to get a diagnosis for their kid because “its the thing to do”. Or because we have to have something wrong with our kid. We look into these things because we trusted our instincts and we are being our childs’ advocate.  We don’t want our children to miss out on vital years of services that will help them to improve their skills and adapt to life within their means.

To the moms {and dads } that are going through this. You are not alone!!  You are amazing! You are strong! You an do this!!

{ now repeat that three times to yourself ! Because it’s true. }

Continue to trust that instinct and be the voice, be the advocate for your children. If you don’t, no one will. If you think there are quirks about your childs development don’t shy away or feel embarrassed to ask about it. Do not let others compare their childs situation to yours. No two Autistic children are the same! Don’t think that your child will be labelled or defined by a diagnosis. That will only happen if you allow it. I do not introduce my child “This is Ayden and he is Autistic”. That labels him. The diagnosis isn’t labelling him, my introduction is. Instead try “This is my son Ayden, and he wicked smart”.

I hope this helps someone who may be observing or going through this life change, as I am.  Now I am going to go play with my crazy, fun crew and process how our world changed today.

 

xo ~ Diana

 

2 thoughts on “Mamas instinct”

  1. You are so strong, Diana! I really believe these boys were blessed with you as their mama. You are the perfect mom for them. Thank you for sharing this little piece of your story.

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